


(you have) someone that loves you

by andyanthea



Category: Formula E RPF
Genre: Character Study, Consensual Infidelity, M/M, questionable relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 18:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15954869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andyanthea/pseuds/andyanthea
Summary: He wants to touch, but he's not allowed to.Lucas has someone who loves him, but still Daniel does.





	(you have) someone that loves you

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired and titled from 'Someone that Loves You' - HONNE. Admittedly not my best work, but I loved a lot of the lines so I hope you can enjoy this too. <3

For all their differences, nobody questions how easy Lucas and Daniel clicks. Lucas is cerebral and calculated, always the grounded force to Daniel’s neon-bright youth and carefreeness. Everyone expects them to be good teammates - ‘opposites attract’, remember? - but not even they have guessed how deep they intersect into each other’s selves. 

By the time the sparks between them crackle louder for everyone to hear, Daniel’s center of gravity had shifted into Lucas. Falling to his touch became second nature, which was easy when most of the paddock had the same standards of physical contact with their teammates. But Daniel finds himself deciphering Lucas’ every move, guessing the meaning behind every word and move. It doesn’t help that the season pushes them together, both in losing to the Techeetahs and moving upward to climb the podium together. Consolations and congratulations slowly take permanent form in hugs and kisses, and Daniel finds himself suspended in a limbo of needing to pull away and come closer.

Because he’s not so desperate for love that he’s going to destroy someone else’s marriage.

Daniel disciplines himself that there’s someone else who loves Lucas before and more than he does, but it falters with each passing day. He turns the question, justifying himself: does Bianca love Lucas the way he does? Do fireworks launch in her heart at the sight of Lucas, burning from adrenaline higher than any podium finish? Does she look at him and want to surrender the world for him?

The answer is _yes_ \- only difference is that Bianca and Lucas never has to hide it, while Daniel languishes in his own forbidden feelings, hands hesitating to touch.

Whoever said it was easy must’ve never had fallen into such a deep hole.

__

Daniel knows he’s clingy - he’s always starving for touch. He also knows how overwhelming it can be, as with how his lovers became former ones. Lucas’ willingness to respond to it is uncanny. He leans closer when Daniel whispers to his ear, shakes his hand longer than anyone else, and pinpoints Daniel’s vulnerable points, physical and emotional, with ease. He becomes a paradox for Daniel’s senses, both filling up his hunger and leaving him craving more. 

It’s easy to fool himself, Daniel thinks, that Lucas wants it as well. They move together, they hold hands, they touch, they kiss, but Daniel keeps check of the gold on his teammate’s finger. Even as he closes his eyes, he reminds himself to not get carried away. The dread that Lucas is just reacting to his touch instead of reciprocating perpetually lingers near. His hesitation never disappears even when Lucas starts initiating. The ghosted embraces and kisses behind the garages both comfort and worry him.

Whenever they make love, Daniel asks himself if Lucas touches him like how he does Bianca. After all, Bianca took Lucas’ heart first and forged it into a ring, a bond tying them that Daniel would never dare break. The images of Lucas thrusting into Bianca when he feels Lucas inside him stings his eyes, and on that moment ‘making love’ meant making up a feeling that they never deserved.

They collapse on top of each other afterwards, arms linked in sleep, where Daniel’s tears mingle with sweat on Lucas’ back.  
__

Daniel loves like a man seeking light from a meteor - he wants to believe the light is there, but it’s too far to catch and he knows he will burn his hands if he tries. He doesn’t even know if the star falls in his direction, just for him, or whether it would set him aflame instead of lighting him up.

He wishes Lucas would just say upright that he doesn’t love him the same way. It’s easier to set boundaries, to establish that they are nothing but tangled pathways that should not have crossed. Daniel needs that stone-hard reason to pull away and save himself from the imminent crash and burn. He doesn’t want to break, even if Lucas is the one who fills his cracks with gold.

Lucas’ lips on his forehead says otherwise.


End file.
